Fetish vs. Preference/Attraction

When cruising and partaking of the various BDSM social and dating sites we are almost always presented with the wonderful 'Fetish List' to let the would know what it is that gets us off...

But is this right, is it true, are all these things a Fetish? The Mirriam-Webster online dictionary gives us this definition of fetish - an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

How many of us really are so focused that we have to have THAT thing to get off?

To me, saying something is a fetish focuses on the thing, so what if your fetish is a person? BBW/BHM, Skinny, Asian, Black, Bears, Midgets, Redheads, Blonds, Big Tits, Flat Chests, Big Cocks, etc, etc, etc, all get defined as fetishes on one list or another.

In speaking with people that fall into one or more of these classifications, I have been told about how either interchangeable and/or disposable, being fetishized makes them feel. The attraction has nothing to do with who they are, but about how they look. Who cares who you are, shove that monster cock in me, or let me play with your fat, or connect your freckles....

I prefer to think of things that are directly related to a person as a preference, or an attraction. This element of fetish vs. preference has been one that I have been confronted with a few different times in my life, but even more so recently.

For example, I have a preference for curvy, plush women, aka BBW, it is not a fetish though. The simple fact that a woman is bigger does not become a sexual turn on for me, making me want to touch and fondle them. That requires an element of connection derived from their personality... The same thing goes with my attraction to Black women. I don't have 'jungle fever,' the mere fact that a woman is black is not going to turn me on, but I just find that my eye wanders more often towards them.

So what is my point? Well, by continuing to force the element of fetish out there, it can (in some instances) become a double edged sword. To those that 'embody' what ever the fetish element is, they can feel dehumanized and objectified (which is a whole other fetish in it's own right), but it can also make them critical and skeptical of people that find whatever that item is attractive. So the individual showing interest in them has to find ways to convince them that they are not just getting their jollies off because of that 'item'... it is the person AND the item that they are digging on.

Now, obviously, fetishes exist, I have a fetish for big natural breasts, and if there were a pair of big boobs offered to me, no, in many ways it would not matter about the person they were attached to... at first. I have the 'fetish' of getting to know the person I am fondling/beating/fucking and if there is not a connection, even you you have the best boobs on the planet, it ain't going to carry it for me.

Now, there is the element too that non-body related fetishes can hold elements of interchangeability and disposal... He/She only likes me because they can do (X) to me....
But in truth, I think that those situations are more about interpersonal relations and communication aspects than about fetishizing a person.

So, next time you are digging on your partner because they are (X), make sure they know that they are more than that to you as well.... AND try using preference vs. fetish when it is appropriate.